


How To Save Two Lives- The Fic

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF, troye sivan - Fandom, tyler oakley - Fandom
Genre: Anorexia, Based Off Of A One-Shot, Chaptered, Dan And Troye Are Worried Mother Hen Boyfriends, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Finished, Hurt/Comfort, I Crafted So Hard While Writing This, M/M, Phil is depressed, Self-Harm, This May Get Intense, Triggers, Tyler Is Also Depressed, hate comments, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:31:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6512776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the one-shot "How To Save Two Lives", I've decided to write it into a longer fic. So here goes!</p>
<p>Hate comments. Everybody gets them. For some people, the comments bounce right off their shoulders, leaving them seemingly unaffected. Those people would be Dan and Troye. Those people are not Phil and Tyler. For Phil and Tyler, the comments dig through their skin like razors, all the way to the bone, leaving them chilled and gasping for breath.</p>
<p>Tyler and Phil are running on a slippery slope, and they've lost their footing. Now, it's up to Dan and Troye to save them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gasoline

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [How To Save Two Lives](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2433482) by [Potterhead2468](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potterhead2468/pseuds/Potterhead2468). 



You never can really tell _when_ it is that you start getting hate comments; they're always there. Always. Dan would always live by the philosophy, "If you can't see them, they aren't there." And for the most part, it worked.

This philosophy does not apply to Philip Michael Lester. He would always feel each hate comment as though it were his best friend stabbing him in the back.

**"You're too skinny"**

**"Too pale"**

**"Faggot"**

**"Nobody loves you"**

**"Dan could do so much better."**

The last one really dug its way into Phil's heart. **"Dan could do so much better."** Now, when you hear messages like this, people tell you to ignore them. Ignore it and it will go away. This is not true. If you let something be, it will find your weakness, and exploit it to the last inch of your willpower.

**"Dan could do so much better."**

This is why he cut.

 _Dan could do so much better._ Instead of a comment, it was a thought. A nasty, convoluted, poisonous, traitorous thought that nagged at the back of Phil's mind every day, all day. That was why Phil was so sure that Dan didn't like him back.

 _Dan could do so much better._ A thought. Phil feared the day when it wouldn't be "Just A Thought" any more. That would be the day he died.

.o0o.

You never can really tell _when_ it is that you start getting hate comments; they're always there. Always. Troye would respond sarcastically, say something about boredom, Beyoncé, or his next album release, and go back to his Q &A.

"Hey, like you always say, Tilly," Troye shrugged and grinned, "When life hands you lemons, put them in your shirt and Work. It."

Tyler couldn't leave the comments alone.

**"Faggot."**

**"I can't believe he turned Troye gay"**

**"You're going to Hell"**

**"Why would anybody choose to be gay- my aunt was gay but then she committed suicide."**

**"He was so skinny when he wasn't eating, now when he does he's fat."**

Tyler thought on the last one. He looked in the mirror. He was fat.

 _I- I thought I was doing well,_ Tyler's mind whispered, _I look like a pig._

Tyler skipped dinner that night. He forgot to film. His mind was consumed with the notion of fat. Tyler was fat. Fat. Fat. Fatfatfatfat.

Tyler was hideous. Obese. He had to change. Right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I really just wanted to say that I'm sorry to anybody who was triggered by this chapter, it decided almost by itself to jump right into this mess. Please read the one-shot that inspired this, I enjoyed it. Also, I would like to say that I do _not_ condone what is going on in Tyler and Phil's inner monologues, and that if you are harming yourself or starving yourself, you should talk to somebody.


	2. Little Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play the game called; can I make this chapter longer than four sentences? We shall see. Also, apologies if your Tumble URL is danisnotmine or yallneedjesus, as I've made you kind of an asshole in this. Sorry.

The razor felt almost like a sigh of relief on Phil's skin. He'd been cutting for almost a month now, it felt almost normal. He'd take out all of his feelings into that one act of self-deprivation. All the feelings of self-hatred. He was worthless, people made sure he knew that. Dan didn't care, no matter what the Phan shippers said. Phil knew when to stop. He knew when there was too much blood. He could stop.

He could stop.

It felt like cutting was the one light in the day- the one time when he was truly given justice. The one time anybody was honest with him- even himself. Dan didn't know.

Phil would be taking a shower.

Brushing his teeth.

Combing his hair.

Today he was just using the toilet.

"Hey, Phil, buddy, you okay in there?" Dan asked after a while.

"Yeah, my stomach's a tad upset." Phil responded.

"You need anything?" Dan inquired.

"Not at the moment, unless you want to walk in on me exposed and give me some magic anti-stomach bug medicine."

"Okay, then," Dan walked away. Phil set the razor back into the cabinet and rolled his sleeves down, walking into the living room.

"You don't look so good." Dan pursed his lips, "Do you have a fever? You look paler."

"I've just been spending a lot of time indoors." Phil replied curtly. Dan pursed his lips again but remained silent.

"PINOF is next Monday, just so you know." Dan said quietly, after an hour of perusing the internet.

"I know." Phil almost snapped, going to his room. Dan looked a bit hurt but kept on clicking _refresh_ on Tumblr. Dan- against his better judgment- typed in "Phan" into the tag search. A Phil hate comment came up almost immediately.

**danisnotmine said:  
Amazingphil had better get his head out of the clouds- nothing he does is funny any more! It's all stories- "I got attacked by a squirrel" "I attract crazy people!"- he isn't a real YouTuber, and his channel shouldn't be popular.**

Anger started to build up in Dan's stomach. He responded;

**Phil _is_ a real YouTuber. Hating on him doesn't make you more of a fan of me. It makes you stupid.**

Dan quickly exited the Phan tag and shut his laptop. He didn't know exactly _why_ the comment effected him so badly, but he certainly wasn't going to let Phil see it. Dan hate comments usually just bounced right off his shoulders- _so why did the Phil hate hurt him so badly? Why was Phil angry at Dan? What happened to their friendship, being able to tell each other everything?_ These questions wormed their way into Dan's mind, just a poisonous as the ones Phil was having. But all of Dan's worries could be quelled with a single question.

_What's wrong, Phil?_

Dan didn't ask it out loud. Not yet. It went into the back of his mind- right next to the _you're beautiful_ s and _I love you_ s.

.o0o.

There was something wrong with Tyler. Troye noticed it within a few weeks of Tyler's anorexia returning.

"Tilly, where's my bright smile?" Troye asked, eyes full of concern, "Your laughter is so beautiful, I can't bear to see it gone."

"I'm fine, Troye." Tyler lied, smiling faintly at his boyfriend's concerns.

"No, you're not." Troye said immediately.

"I am." Tyler assured, kissing Troye lightly on the cheek.

"If you say so." Troye wasn't sure. He knew Tyler hadn't been eating as much. But things would get worse before they got better. Troye sighed wearily, laying on his and Tyler's bed and getting on Tumblr. He searched Tyler Oakley. Maybe the fans would know something he didn't? He was counting on them. Instead of finding the cure, though, he found the cause. _One step closer, I guess_ Troye thought as he read the hate comment.

**yallneedjesus said:**

**tyler oakley needs to chill ta fuck out. people who choose to be gay like him are gross and shouldn't have rights. he'll be in hell, just like he deserves, one day.**

Troye knew what was wrong. Except, he didn't.

"Tilly?" Troye asked softly, "Are you sad because some fans wrote mean comments?"

"I'm not sad." Tyler responded, sounding a bit irritated, if to hide how close Troye was to the truth.

"But you are." Troye said softly, hugging his body close to Tyler's.

"Please, don't." Tyler flinched away from the contact- Troye could discover how skinny he was and force him to eat until he became fat like a pig again.

"Okay," Troye said sadly, "I just wish you'd tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing!" Tyler snapped, "Nothing. Is. Wrong!" Troye flinched when Tyler shouted, walking to their room. Tyler couldn't see the tears running down Troye's cheeks. Troye couldn't see the way Tyler's ribs poked out like he was starving.

They slept in separate beds that night. Troye's heart was heavy with sadness, Tyler's with hatred, directed at himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, I would just like to say that I do not condone cutting or starving yourself. If you do, please talk to somebody you trust. It does get better.


	3. Pompeii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big reveal *gasp* also where I deviate from the one-shot, the beginning of the fluff and comfort. (My favorite part)

Dan knew something was wrong with Phil. Hoodies and jackets took the place of Phil's usual graphic t-shirt. He was paler and thinner and sadder. He almost never smiled, or laughed, or sang annoyingly off-key. His joy and innocence had been taken away.

"Phil, we need to talk." Dan said. Phil continued to walk to his room- he knew Dan knew, but he didn't want to break down in front of his best friend.

"It's just a talk," Dan assured him, standing in the Hallway Of Existential Crises. Phil wouldn't even look at Dan- never mind start a conversation with him- so Dan didn't know what to do. The barrage of questions battered against Dan's skull again, _Why won't he talk to me? We used to share everything, but now he won't talk to me. Does he not like me? Did I offend him somehow?_

"Phil, you can always tell me when something's wrong," Dan didn't know exactly what to say, so he just started talking, "I'll be here for you, to comfort you. I'd never let you go if that's what you wanted. Please talk to me," he grabbed Phil's arm, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Please talk to me?" Dan pleaded.

"Leave me alone, Dan," Phil said emotionlessly, like a robot, he tried to yank his arm away, but his sleeve rode up, revealing the beginning of a few scars.

"P-Phil, what's going on?" Dan had expected something, but not this. Never this. "What're these?" Phil tried to push his sleeve back down, but Dan was faster, yanking up his sleeve to reveal hundreds of small scars.

"Why would you do this to yourself?" Dan barely whispered, tears threatening to flow.

"Because I'm worthless, Dan," Phil responded, eyes not leaving the ground. If they did, he knew he'd start crying. "I'm a freak, I'm too pale, I'm annoying, I'm old, I'm ugly. I mean nothing."

"Phil, how can you say that? How can you say that, when you are my everything?" Tears rolled down Dan's cheeks, "My moon, my sun, the color in my sky. You are beautiful, Phil. Funny and smart and wonderful. I love everything from your voice to your skin to your smile. I miss your smile so, so much. I miss your laugh, I miss your singing, I miss your awful puns. I miss DanAndPhilGAMES, the fun, Dil, playing Mario Kart until five in the morning." Dan brought Phil into his embrace, and Phil was sobbing into Dan's shoulder, "I love you, Phil."

"You don't." Phil said, tears streaming down his face, "You don't love me. You're just saying that because- because-"

"Because I do. I love you." Dan said, still hugging Phil tightly, "I love you more than the moon and the sun and all the stars. I love you more than anime and my YouTube channel. I love you more than our book and our tour. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anything ever. And I'm going to say it until you believe it."

"I don't deserve you. You're perfect." Phil sniffled.

" _I_ don't deserve _you_. Your smile is like sunshine and your laugh makes my day so much better, no matter how bad it is." Dan said, bringing a hand back to pet Phil's hair. The two stood there in silence, Dan cradling Phil's head. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, like it had been during the previous weeks, but instead comforting and friendly. Phil continued to cry quietly into Dan's shoulder. They stood like that, in a loving embrace, for what could have been seconds or eons.

"Thank you." Phil whispered.

"Any time." Dan whispered back.

"Please don't ever let go." Phil said softly, tears starting to flow again. He was feeling tired.

"I won't." Dan reassured.

"I'm tired." Phil murmured.

"That's okay. Would you like to go to bed?" Dan asked.

"Please." Phil nodded. Dan led the older man to Phil's room.

"Your room, please." Phil said. He'd cut in his room so many times, and he wanted to get better. For Dan.

"Okay." Dan walked Phil to his room. The older man was like a ragdoll.

"Can you lay with me?" Phil asked. He didn't feel sad any more. After something as emotionally exhausting as that, he simply felt numb.

"Of course." Dan said, laying down on the bed. Phil laid down behind him and wrapped his arms around Dan's frame.

"Thank you." Phil whispered again.

"Any time." Dan sighed, "Go to sleep."

Phil was asleep in record time.

.o0o.

"Tilly, we need to talk." Troye said, "I'm worried about you."

Tyler tried to smile, "Don't be."

"How can I not be worried?!" Troye asked, "You've all but stopped eating. I'm worried."

"I'm fine." Tyler assured.

"You're skin and bones!" Troye snapped, "When was the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday." Tyler averted his eyes.

"And what did you eat?" Troye asked more softly. Tyler didn't answer.

"Tilly, I need to know." Troye said, resting a hand on Tyler's arm. Tyler shrank back from the touch, so Troye moved his hand. Tyler's own hands fidgeted in his lap.

"Please." Troye pleaded. Tyler didn't respond. Tyler didn't want to break down in front of his boyfriend.

"You don't upload any more. You don't post. You stopped smiling and laughing. What happened to you? To us? What happened to the late night cuddles and kisses and friendship?" Troye inquired, "I think your eating disorder is back."

"Troye would you fuck off and leave me alone?!" Tyler yelled, jumping up. Troye's thoughts were spot-on, and Tyler didn't want him to find out. Because if Troye found out, he'd make Tyler eat and become the pig he was.

"Tyler, please, just tell me what's wrong." Troye pleaded again. Tyler did nothing. He just stood there. He saw the sadness in Troye's eyes _before_ he'd suspected Tyler's eating disorder was affecting him again- he couldn't imagine what it'd be like if Troye knew he was right. Troye stood up from the chair and walked out of the room, trying not to cry. Tyler wanted him gone, he just knew it.

"Goodbye, Tilly." Troye sighed, turning to walk out. He numbly grabbed the door handle and turned it, stepping out into the hallway. As soon as he was in the corridor, he burst into tears. Walking forward and away from his love, he tried to choose between his head and his heart. The problem was, neither could decide. 

"TroyeSivan. Please don't leave me." Tyler's arm wrapped around Troye's body just as suddenly as the older man had shouted at him to go away.

"I won't." For once Troye was glad he didn't have to make a decision. He and Tyler clung to each other desperately and Troye truly felt how scrawny his boyfriend had become.

"Let's get some food in you." Troye smiled.

"Please, no," Tyler protested, anxiety and fear suddenly evident.

"I-I'm sorry," Troye stuttered. He thought for a second before saying, "You're prettier when you eat. You're more beautiful when you smile. Your laugh lights up my world."

"Really?" Tyler was shocked.

"Of course." Troye kissed his boyfriend on the cheek, "I wouldn't have you any way but happy."

"Thank you." Tyler sighed into Troye's embrace.

"Any time." Came Troye's response.

"Can you eat, just a little?" Troye asked. Tyler nodded hesitantly and Troye led him to the bar. He made some toast and two pieces of bacon.

"I figured you could use some breakfast." Troye grinned as Tyler slowly but surely ate both pieces of bacon and one piece of toast.

"I'm thirsty." Tyler remarked. Troye immediately got his boyfriend some water.

"Thank you." Tyler said, sipping his water down too.

"Do you wanna film a video?" Troye asked gently.

"Maybe later. I'm tired." Tyler noted. The two men laid down on the couch and napped for the rest of the day, Troye just happy that Tyler was eating, and Tyler was happy that Troye was happy.

.o0o.

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

There would be a lot of _Thank You_ 's and _Any Time_ 's passed between both couples, and although problems like anorexia and depression never truly go away, they're so much better with a friend.

"Please don't ever let go."

"I won't."

That promise was kept between both couples until the end of time.


End file.
